Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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