Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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