have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
