Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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