He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
