i just had sex bonerless
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
