that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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