God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
