Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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