I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I still have a little drunk in my system
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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