and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
