I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
