put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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