She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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