I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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