people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
