Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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