I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
