I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
