I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
