I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You have to summon your inner elephant
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
