So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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