super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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