Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
