I accidentally had phone sex last night
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
