There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
