Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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