Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You're like the curious george of whores
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
