happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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