listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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