It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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