im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
