I wanna passion pit in your ass
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
