I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
