Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
