dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
