Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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