Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
