Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
