i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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