I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
True strength comes from lack of pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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