Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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