Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
