I'm going to jail i love you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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