Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
