Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
