Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
