Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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