Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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