Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i will never coherently bang her
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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