go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
