things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
