The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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