a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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