how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
