I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
