On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
