Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
