Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
