Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
God I need to hump something, right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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