Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire

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  (310): Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire http://tfl.nu/u3d6
  Replies (6) Good night (836) Bad night (1650)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...

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  (773): Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision... http://tfl.nu/88cp
  Replies (23) Good night (586) Bad night (839)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  a queef is a wish your heart makes.

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  (443): a queef is a wish your heart makes. http://tfl.nu/o0oa
  Replies (20) Good night (1292) Bad night (3191)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with

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  (978): imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with http://tfl.nu/3tvk
  Replies (26) Good night (1431) Bad night (4894)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube

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  (403): I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube http://tfl.nu/nmda
  Replies (28) Good night (4926) Bad night (1269)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.

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  (205): I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/44vh
  Replies (14) Good night (4619) Bad night (1464)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.

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  (281): I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely. http://tfl.nu/tovx
  Replies (16) Good night (4843) Bad night (936)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated

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  (603): I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated http://tfl.nu/wizt
  Replies (8) Good night (2407) Bad night (849)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl

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  (250): i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl http://tfl.nu/d9d2
  Replies (3) Good night (852) Bad night (2406)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"

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  (781): I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again" http://tfl.nu/7as1
  Replies (4) Good night (4085) Bad night (902)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.

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  (570): He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall. http://tfl.nu/bycp
  Replies (17) Good night (1588) Bad night (692)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...

  (719): View more from Colorado

  LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..

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  (815): Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old... (719): LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though.. http://tfl.nu/fsbn
  Replies (11) Good night (3897) Bad night (779)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate

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  (804): I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate http://tfl.nu/clkd
  Replies (6) Good night (1616) Bad night (554)
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?

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  (714): I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason? http://tfl.nu/9wpk
  Replies (7) Good night (578) Bad night (1017)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.

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  (785): Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals. http://tfl.nu/wiw7
  Replies (4) Good night (1081) Bad night (432)

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