the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake