I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand