Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules

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  (917): I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules http://tfl.nu/muds
  Replies (2) Good night (1503) Bad night (530)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

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  (817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca
  Replies (29) Good night (9782) Bad night (1011)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower

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  (269): im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower http://tfl.nu/s38n
  Replies (15) Good night (3091) Bad night (745)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.

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  (319): then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween. http://tfl.nu/ifuh
  Replies (15) Good night (3923) Bad night (549)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.

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  (334): I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment. http://tfl.nu/dpzt
  Replies (26) Good night (688) Bad night (3542)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

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  (440): Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana. http://tfl.nu/g8b3
  Replies (24) Good night (1916) Bad night (6739)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.

  (917): View more from New York City

  me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.

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  (317): Sitting here wishing there were men in my life. (917): me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time. http://tfl.nu/mpan
  Replies (21) Good night (1478) Bad night (5353)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs

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  (250): Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs http://tfl.nu/msvp
  Replies (10) Good night (1069) Bad night (3519)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?

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  (513): Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car? http://tfl.nu/e1cd
  Replies (4) Good night (3015) Bad night (904)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"

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  (740): I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots" http://tfl.nu/pkth
  Replies (12) Good night (5215) Bad night (834)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?

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  (812): i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF? http://tfl.nu/2o7d
  Replies (2) Good night (616) Bad night (1225)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  what about money

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  no - he has a code he lives by

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  (610): they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n (484): what about money (610): no - he has a code he lives by http://tfl.nu/tp7q
  Replies (11) Good night (2481) Bad night (612)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex

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  (808): Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex http://tfl.nu/i4z0
  Replies (13) Good night (596) Bad night (3078)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."

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  (757): You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE." http://tfl.nu/ep4x
  Replies (5) Good night (1497) Bad night (445)
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  (646): View more from New York

  She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom

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  (646): She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom http://tfl.nu/aqbu
  Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (223)

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