What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again