Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.