Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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