what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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