I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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