i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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