I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
