I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
