How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
