Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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