put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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