It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
