I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How's work?
Spinning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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