Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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