We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
